Personal / 2017
Project A Short Script
Hilary is a hard working businesswoman in her early thirties. She’s unaware that her excessive work ethic is brewing up an extremely awful scent and when confronted by her well meaning caring boss, Anita, she is unwilling to believe the reality of her situation.
Anita asks Hillary to meet in her office for a quick chat. Hillary walks in sipping her LaCroix through a straw and sits down across from Anita's desk. Hillary takes a sip.
"Hi, HILLARY. So glad you could make it. How are things going?"
Hillary is hurt but tries to remain professional. She places her LaCroix on a stack of sticky notes.
“To be honest, ANITA, I'm disappointed I didn't get that promotion. Especially in these sexist, hyper-masculine political times, we’re living in. I mean I lead the team in sales.”
Anita quietly gasps for clean air before speaking.
“As a fellow businesswoman, I understand woman things, but the choice had nothing to do with your gender or performance.”
Hillary is visibly not happy with Anita's response. She opens her mouth but is too frustrated to respond. She adjusts herself in her seat.
“Hillary, this may be difficult to hear…”
Hillary leans closer to Anita's desk. Anita is turtling in her sweater as an attempt to cover her mouth and nose.
“You...have swamp ass.”
Anita and Hillary stare in silence at one another.
“...The smell coming from your pants is suffocating to everyone around you. Your deskmate has to walk to the water cooler for clean air every 20 minutes. It's affecting her sales.”
Hillary stands up from her chair. She doesn't notice. Her ass is dripping with sweat. She paces the room back-and-forth, contemplating. Anita shovels clean air into her mouth every time Hillary is on the other side of the office.
“But my lucky Lulus transition perfectly from client calls to running breaks. I can send you a link.”
“No...Work-OUT pants are not the same as WORK pants.”
Anita rolls her eyes.
“They have WORK in the name. I even wore them working my ass off at the Women's March. Equality first!”
Hillary plops back down in her seat. Anita tries her best to ignore the loud squishing sound.
“Look, this is a problem. We had to change your in-person meetings exclusively to client calls.”
“Drive time is a nuisance anyway.”
Anita douses her hands and desk in HAND SANITIZER.
“We stocked the bathroom with Gold Bond and baby wipes, just for you!”
“Honestly, I don't take bathroom breaks anymore. I got a catheter a few months back. It's been life-changing for efficiency.”
Anita starts gagging and steps outside of the office to take a deep breath of clean air. She continues speaking to Hillary from the doorway.
“Hillary, you need to be realistic. You made a client pass out last week.”
Anita returns to her desk. Hillary takes a long sip from her La Croix. There’s a water ring left behind on the stack of sticky notes.
“Sheryl? Nooo! She basically never eats an—”
Anita cuts off Hillary, tapping her fingers on the desk with impatience.
“She suffered massive head trauma!”
Anita grabs her head and takes a deep breath. She's struggling to breathe.
“I took the liber...I took the liberty of speaking with HR about getting Botox covered under your insurance plan.”
Hillary moves closer to Anita's desk and speaks near her face. We see a close up of Hillary's mouth and enter a surreal world. Things go into slow motion.
“And when would I have time for that?”
Anita stutters. She struggles to speak.
“Botox can reduce moisture. People do it on their lunch break.”
“All that redness and swelling...eh! I don't think that would heal in time for anal Thursdays with Jeremy. Which is important to my overall fruitful output.”
Anita's breathing slows down. She's speaking slowly. The smell has gotten to her. She's slipping.
“Did you really just say that?”
“Did you hear me?”
Anita passes out. Hillary moves Anita’s body out of the way and sits behind her desk. She calls Anita's assistant on the office phone. She evilly taps her fingers together while speaking.
“It’s done. I need you to come to my new office to discuss next steps.”